We chased our pleasures here
Dug our treasures there
But can you still recall
The time we cried?
Break on through to the other side
Break on through to the other side
Jim Morrison
What does subspace mean?
Looking it up online, one finds some descriptions, some testimonies, though, as with much related to BDSM, there are many different takes on the matter. However, all have one aspect in common. Subspace is an altered state of consciousness, where a submissive enters a different headspace, a different mindset, most of the times during an intense session. This altered state has been associated with feelings of excitement, total surrender, letting go of one’s self, disconnection, euphoria, trance and even out-of-body experience. Mor often than not, subspace is seen as a pinnacle, as highlight of one’s submissive BDSM experience. However, aspects like loss of reason, incapacity to express consent or loss of the submissive’s capacity to discern and to make sound judgements have also been mentioned in connection with subspace.
In the following I will venture to share my own experience with subspace, my feelings about it and will let others decide if what I feel can be called subspace in the most common understanding of that term.
What is subspace like for me?
I have experienced subspace during the most intense sessions with Jadey, or, more accurately, she has taken me to subspace during those most intense sessions. It was never my doing, never a conscious step that I took “over the line” to enter that space. It was Jadey that took me there every time it happened. There isn’t a particular moment that I can consciously identify as separating “normal state” from subspace. At one point, I just simply find myself in a state of total euphoria and complete surrender. Yes, those two are the main aspects for me.
Euphoria that changes perception of what happens with me, to me, around me and, at the same time, amplifies all my sensations and feelings. If, before, it was a journey, now I am at the journey’s end, right where I need to be. Pain and pleasure are one, blended in a symphony of sensations. They are both one single, great, enhanced state of awareness, engulfing my body and my mind. Humiliation, degradation, whatever it is that happens to me in that state, all feels good, blissful even and utterly fulfilling. Nothing else is there anymore, besides that feeling of fulfillment through the sensations and feelings that I am experiencing.
Am I in a trance? Oh, no. I feel everything, my mind is totally aware of everything that happens to me. Out-of-body experience? Definitely not! My body sings the most perfect melody played by Jadey. Every sensation is there, every stimulus, every taste and smell.
Complete surrender of myself to the moment, to that moment, to what Jadey does to me. I am an instrument that she plays masterfully to her own feelings and emotions. I don’t care about anything, when in subspace. I am completely under Jadey’s control at that point. Every thought or feeling about myself is gone, snuffed out by that state of bliss and abandonment. Everything that happens to me then is simply supposed to happen. It is the fulfillment of my purpose as set out by Jadey for me. And it is completely satisfying because I can fulfil that purpose without any effort, struggle or focus, that one normally needs to muster in various degrees when doing different tasks. Now it is the easiest thing in the world to do, like a normal body function embedded into me and performed without any consciousness. Everything I do is not my doing. It is Jadey’s doing. Just like the body will always mechanically obey a command from the brain, if it can, just like that, I will do anything Jadey commands me to, mechanically, without any conscious decision to do so, to obey. There is no thought process anymore lie “Jadey commands, I must obey”. No filter. No reason. No judgement. No conscious act of submission.
How does it happen?
There is no one thing that I could point out and say “This is what drives me into subspace”. Every time it is different. Sometimes it is prolonged, intense pain. Other times it is prolonged intense pleasure. Or both. Intense humiliation or degradation. Or a blend of all those. The keyword here is intense. Subspace always comes as the result of very intense feelings.
However, there is much more to it. The intensity of feelings is just the foundation upon which one has to build in order to drive me into subspace. Build what? The honest-to-god answer is “I don’t know”. The only thing I know is that it is intrinsically linked to Jadey. It is she that drives me to subspace and she is the only one that does that to me. A slap from her is entirely different from somebody else’s slap. I mean, a slap is a slap, right? Well, Jadey’s slap is more than any other slap. And it is the same with everything she does to me and with me.
My subspace is hers. She is the one that takes me there. So, how does it happen? To this I would have to answer with a smile “You’d have to ask Jadey!”
When does it happen?
I have elaborated on my subspace during intense sessions, but those are not the only instances when I experience it.
I have experienced subspace during punishments as well. For the avoidance of any doubt, I do believe punishments and sessions to be entirely different things. “Funishment” during a session is ultimately a role play. Punishment, however, is real and, definitely not “fun”. Maybe more on that difference in another piece. Suffice it to say now, that the subspace I experience during punishments has one added dimension to it. Suffering. Since punishment is suffering, by definition, that suffering becomes me, when I enter subspace. It becomes my purpose, the very meaning of my existence. It doesn’t happen very often, only during the most intense punishments, and it is almost always related to some degree of sub drop, which is a state of utter despair and depression that I sometimes experience after or during such punishment or even a session. Sub drop is always treated during aftercare.
Last, but not the least, and this might come as surprising, I have also experienced subspace, or at least a “watered down” version of it outside any sessions or punishments and even without Jadey being there with me. Sometimes a word from Jadey is enough to pull me away from my own thoughts and throw me into that state of total euphoric surrender. Sometimes a task she gives me has that effect and I end up performing the task, firmly nestled in that blissful safe headspace.
Subspace and Safety
After all the above, my astute readers would have spotted the proverbial Elephant in the room by now. Subspace always affects judgement and reason. I am not capable of sound decisions and reasoning when in subspace or, at the very least, that capability is severely impaired. I would do anything in that state and I would do it unconsciously. It has been said that one cannot give consent when in subspace, and I believe it to be true.
This is the time when I am completely in Jadey’s power and care. And, as always, that power comes with a great responsibility. My well-being is solely in her hands at that point. While, normally, everything we do together is based on communication, sharing and mutual understanding, when in subspace, most of that goes away for me. Could I safe word in subspace? Most probably not. Or, it would be very, very hard to do it, even if in a situation where it would be wise to do so. Moreover even, when in subspace, my natural self-preservation instincts are so severely hampered that they are almost non-existent at that point. Hence, the signs and signals that my body and mind transmit during subspace are different, altered by my transfigured state. And, most importantly, my responses and my actions while in subspace are modified to the point that I could unconsciously even harm myself or fail to protect myself from harm due to that state of total euphoria and abandonment of myself.
This is where trust plays a major role. Trust that I placed in Jadey to care for me and my well-being while I am in subspace. Trust in her wisdom and judgement. Trust in her caution and understanding of the state I am in. More than once, Jadey has pulled me back when, in my subspace I became too eager and careless to the point that there was danger to my well-being.
Instead of Conclusions, Musings
Subspace is the most wonderful feeling, dear reader. It is all that a submissive could ask for all we can ever hope for to achieve in our submission. Humans have sought an altered state of consciousness, an elevated state of mind through many means. All sorts of substances that “expand one’s mind” and help one achieve such a state. We get there without any substances. Without any outside “help” or “enhancement”. Isn’t that thrilling? Isn’t that something to cherish and nurture like a precious gift that we have been given by our dominants, our partners? And what do we give back?
Domspace? Is that even a thing? It seems to me a rather neglected or, at the least, underrated topic in the BDSM community. Can we drive our dominant partners into something similar to our subspace? And if so, how would that manifest? How would domspace be like, feel like? I urge all submissives to ponder on that, if you haven’t done that already.
Did Jadey ever experience something that could be called domspace with me? Did I ever manage to drive her into domspace?
Then again, what do I know about all this complicated stuff? I am just a simple blonde trying to make my way in the universe…